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NY Post columnist mocks Maine for big asses and no fashion

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It’s entirely possible that by the time you’re reading this, you’ve already laid eyes on longtime NY Post gossip Cindy Adams’ latest column on her monumental trip to Maine. If you haven’t read this article, get ready for the print version of someone who thinks he’s super funny at a party when everyone can’t wait for him to leave. His column is clearly written at 1st grade level and while it would be safe to say it’s a bunch of vomited words, it’s more like a word fart that sprinkled a page and the NY Post printed.

Close up photo of young woman holding her buttocks, she needs to poop, outdoor

Ocskaymark

Cindy Adams visited Maine and noticed a lot of people had big asses

Forget the stunning ocean views and forget the award-winning restaurants and forget the cozy inns and forget the luxury beaches. Cindy Adams came to Maine and noticed a lot of people in Pine Tree State had big butts. She wrote:

“The people behind the state of Texas are all crammed into shorts. Realtors could set up an entire campsite on the average ass”

That’s awfully rich coming from someone who went from a Princess Leia lookalike to Frankenstein’s bride. Low insults aside, Adams’ sighting remains peculiar given that there are plenty of fat asses in shorts walking around New York City on a daily basis. Sorry Cin, that big ass from Maine is sponsored by Allen’s Coffee Brandy and no one is upset about it.

Cindy Adams thinks Maine has nowhere to shop and fashion here sucks

Adams continued to take aim at Maine, mentioning that Kennebunkport, Bar Harbor, Ogunquit, Freeport, Eastport and Portland have no fashion and no place for someone of her class to shop. She wrote:

“Jeans, drawers, plaid shirts, shitty sweaters, sweatshirts, sneakers and LL Bean backpacks are considered black ties”

Apparently, if you’re not wearing white-on-white or red-on-red or holding a pair of chihuahuas like they’re props and not living, breathing creatures, you’re just another peasant than Mrs. Adams has to endure. Oh, and “drawers” Cin, my great-grandmother wants her terminology back. And after? Are you going to tell me that my overalls aren’t cool either?

Cindy Adams invented a new part of Maine, “Downcoast”

As Cindy Adams scrolled through her humor column that lacked anything funny, she managed to coin a new word. She wrote:

“Downcoast locally means ‘far north’. ‘Upcoast’ means northeast. ‘City’ equals Portland. Congestion is two vehicles in opposite directions trying to avoid a moose.”

That Cindy Adams can crack a joke, right? I had tears in my eyes with this little presentation text. Because, what is ‘downcoast’? Did you mean Downeast, Cindy? An entire magazine bears his name. We get that Cindy was born when people still wore powdered wigs, but can someone teach her how to use Google? Please?

One thing is certain. Cindy Adams single-handedly made the people of Massachusetts look like a litter of adorable, bright-eyed puppies to the people of Maine. Enjoy your sewer rats, Cin. Good riddance.


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